Ava's Baptism

Miss Ava was baptized this past Saturday. November 21, 2015 to be exact. :) It was such a beautiful and simple day... I had had a couple of rough weeks leading up to her baptism, and nothing turned out the way I wanted it to, and I was a complete basket case, but it all turned out just beautiful.

I had desperately wanted to get some pictures of her... I even made a gorgeous floral crown for her pictures, but I didn't have time to get them taken. I snapped a couple of pictures on that day and we'll have to call it good.

Leading up to all of our family arriving, we had a major leak in our roof and had to tear down part of our wall and fireplace. While I know my family isn't judging me on how my house looks, I wanted a comfortable and inviting place for everyone to be... We were literally painting our wall and hanging our fireplace mantle the day Nate's parents came into town.

The week before Ava's baptism, I found out I was miscarrying again and had a nasty cold, so I didn't feel like doing anything. :( I finally miscarried the Wednesday before her baptism. I felt like crap the next couple of days, but was grateful to be feeling better by the time Saturday rolled around. 

But Saturday was a beautiful day. Ava was baptized and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints by her dad. We had so many friends and family come to support us. My dad, Nate's dad, my Uncle Russell, Branden, Austin, and Steve all stood in the circle to confirm Ava.                                   

                           

        

In summary: house was a disaster, I was miscarrying, I was trying to prepare for Ava's baptism AND Coco's birthday (Ava got baptized on Colbie's birthday), no pictures or invitations happened. No fancy cake. No fancy food. But all that mattered was that she was making sacred covenants with her Heavenly Father and that we had family there to support us. 

While things don't always go the way we plan them, they turn out the way they're supposed to. Ava's baptism was simply perfect in every way. She looked so beautiful and radiant in white! She's such a blessing from heaven, and I'm so glad she chose to get baptized!

Laundry, Park Hopping, and Riddles

I have mounds of laundry to do. Like all the time. I would really love to toot my own horn and say I'm the absolute best at getting laundry done and put away immediately, but that would be a lie. And my mama taught me never to lie. :) However, I'm not completely terrible at doing laundry... some weeks I am superwoman and get it done in 5.47 seconds flat, and some weeks I can't stay on top of it.

Last week was the latter. It may have something to do with the fact I have 12 people coming to stay at my house in 10 days and I'm still getting things put away in my house. Or the fact that I work. Or the fact that I had a cold and didn't feel like doing diddly squat. Or the fact that I have a gaping hole in my wall because we have a leak and are trying to work with the lovely insurance people... and they're taking their dear sweet time. Or I got caught up on Scandal.

You choose the reason. 

But this week, I decided I would conquer that dang laundry beast! So I got all excited and did load after load after load after load... and now it's all waiting for me to fold. For the record, I didn't plan on folding it today. That's a job for tomorrow.

But let's take a hot second and just look at how sexy my washer and dryer are. Yowzaa.

Nate and I had to buy some when we bought our home, and I wanted one that I could fit king size bedding in, so we saved our pennies and bought this set. And it has not disappointed. Especially because in the 2 months we've had it, I've washed bedding about 6 times already. 

Thank you potty training.

Thank you random puke.

Did I mention these sing to you? THEY DO! When the cycle ends, it plays a little jingle and brings a smile on my face. Hey, anything that puts a smile on your face while you're doing laundry is a winner in my book!

I had various errands to run today, so I was gone most of the day.

When I picked the girls up, we decided to discover a couple of new parks near us.

Secretly I'm trying to scout out some awesome locations to take Ava's baptism pictures...

But the girls loved this little adventure!

The first park we went to had this massive open field behind it. Muy bonita. Muy bonita, I say.

The second park was near a house we had actually looked at. It's in an older, more established neighborhood that's nestled on a hill... very picturesque. 

Swings are always a favorite. And I laughed when I saw Halle literally run and jump on Ava's shoulders with such grace it scared me.

But their little squeals of laughter are ones I never want to forget. Thank heavens for camera phones. They capture all these little moments I want to remember for eternity. 

And cue the last part of my day... Moments I want to remember forever include tonight's #halleshenanigans.

This girl!! She first asked me. "Mom, what is bigger than a house?" After 5 minutes of guessing, she finally told me it was two words and that the first started with a G and the second started with a P. I soon figured out the first word... 

Giant.... Pickle?

Giant.... Porcupine?

Giant... Piano?

Giant... Plane! Giant plane!

No. None of these were correct. And she wasn't about to tell me what it was, either.

FINALLY she told me!

GIANT PETALS! Yes, in case you didn't know, giant flower petals are bigger than a house.

And then she proceeded to tell me something about a baby, and crawled up in a ball on the floor and sucked her thumb.

I honestly can't even remember what she was saying because this image was just too darn funny.

Moments like these make my life joyous. While we are in the midst of a few trials *cough* gaping-hole-in-the-wall *cough* and some other trials I don't want to mention just yet (the time will come... be patient), my life is filled with joy.

I love the quote "Attitude is the difference between and ordeal and an adventure" and I believe that whole-heartedly. 

My life is an adventure. One grand, joyous adventure. I have a beautiful family, faithful friends, loving parents, and the gospel of Jesus Christ, which brings me so much peace and understanding to life's craziness, I can't stand it sometimes.

Life is good. Don't forget that.

Miscarriage... Not What I Was Expecting

I don't want this to be a downer post... Things are really going well in life right now, but I've just had emotions to work through, and wanted to jot down my thoughts.  I will probably sound like I'm rambling (cause that's what I do 560% of the time) but I don't care.

6 weeks ago I miscarried. My heart hurts just writing that sentence. Wow. It has been an emotional journey for me. Not devastating, like it has been for some women, and I will always be grateful for that... but emotional, nonetheless. In fact, I've cried a lot more than I ever thought I would.

Nate and I have never had any trouble getting pregnant. That's just not our trial in life. Figuring out how to deal with surprise babies and figuring out how to pay for them... now that's a whole different story.  But actually getting pregnant has been easy for me. Which is why I thought I wouldn't ever be emotional towards a miscarriage.

So, back in April I had a false pregnancy test. Yeah, I know. That hardly ever happens. But it did. I took a test, it said "Pregnant", I called Nate, we were super excited because this will be our last baby, and I started planning immediately. 3 days later, I had a feeling to take a test again, and it came out negative. What the heck?! I took another test and it was negative. I was super confused and hoping it was a mistake, but it wasn't. I started my period the next day. Dang it! Oh well, that's life.

I got pregnant in May for realsies. I didn't find out until early June, and I took about 4 different tests because of what had happened in April, but I was definitely pregnant.

                            

Now, I know it's super gross to post a pregnancy test online, but I'm doing it because it is the only real, tangible thing I have that meant I was pregnant. It is the only proof I have, and so I treasure these two pictures. Crazy, I know, but I can't explain it.

I was really excited because a good friend of mine found out she was pregnant on the same day I did, my sister-in-law just announced she was pregnant, and another friend told me she was pregnant. We were all due around the same time. Super cool!

About 3 weeks into the pregnancy,  I started to feel that something was going to go wrong. Things in life were just too good to be true. Nate's job is going well (which has been a major trial for us the past 4 years), we aren't as broke as we used to be, I was able to take on 2 new clients (making it a total of 4 clients that I'm a virtual assistant for), and we just put an offer on our first home. Something was bound to go wrong. Everyone kept telling me I was crazy and that sometimes things DO go right for people, but I couldn't shake the feeling.

Then one Friday evening, I was just walking around my house, and all of a sudden, I felt a gush of blood come out. I had always thought that when you miscarry, you started bleeding a little and then you call your doctor and if you keep bleeding, then they'll want to see you. Mine was seriously like a water balloon popped. Nate was at his friend's house having a game night, so I called him. I told him we needed to go to the ER and get things checked out. By this time, my back started cramping. I have back labor, so I knew my body was trying to get rid of the baby. I was passing lots of clots, and things weren't looking good. I'm 99% sure I saw my baby and new it had come out on its own, but part of me just wanted to hope that it was still inside me.

Nate came and got me, and we took our girls to our friends house (the same house Nate was at) and we headed to the ER. We didn't say anything to each other. I honestly didn't know what to expect or what to feel. I knew none of this was even real to Nate. He hadn't been pregnant. He hadn't experienced the nausea or the fatigue. His boobs weren't tingling. He didn't gain 10 lbs immediately. He wasn't the one bleeding... It just wasn't real for him. I can't fault him for not feeling anything.

We waited in the ER f.o.r.e.v.e.r. Now, I'm pretty familiar with hospitals and how things work. I've been in many waiting rooms (the longest was about 9-10 hours while my brother was having surgery) so I'm used to waiting. But, even this wait was a little ridiculous. Finally, we were called back and they asked me a million questions, took my vitals, and then I had to undress, get in a hospital gown, and wait another hour so they could give me an ultra sound.

The ultra sound confirmed there wasn't a baby (just as I had thought). They estimated me to be about 8-9 weeks, although I don't think I was that far a long.They gave me instructions to follow up with my dr on Monday.

And that was that. It was about 1;30 in the morning. We drove home, picked up our girls, and went to bed.

I don't remember much that weekend, except I was super crampy. I posted on Instagram about my miscarriage the day after it happened. I've always been pretty open about my trials. Not because I want the attention, but because I need the support from others. I need to talk about things and know that I'm not alone. And you never know when someone else might be hurting and may need to connect to you on how to handle things. I literally believe that sharing is caring. :)

The love and support I felt was overwhelming. So many people reached out and offered emotional support. I felt totally loved.

It has been hard since because one of my good friends is pregnant. I see her a lot, and our girls play together, and it is really hard to talk pregnancy with her. When it comes up in our circle of friends, I literally just phase out and think about other things. It's not that I'm not happy for her... it's just hard. I'm not bitter at God or bitter towards her because she got to keep her baby and I didn't... but even 6 weeks later, I have a bunch of emotions that creep up at unexpected times, and I don't know how to handle them.

It's hard to miscarry because people show a lot of support at first, and then it tapers off. They move on with their lives and you move on with yours... except for when you get that email reminder that you would have been 14 weeks right now. Or you get that maternity countdown shirt you ordered in the mail. Or you see other ladies little baby bumps and you don't have one. That's when you feel alone. That's when you need someone to just hug you and just let you cry. There's nothing that could be said to comfort you, you just need to cry.

While I am sad that I miscarried, I am also grateful. Nate and I are in the middle of moving, and I didn't want to move while pregnant for the 3rd time. I moved when I was 30 weeks pregnant with Halle and 30 weeks pregnant with Colbie, and I didn't want to do it again. Well, God heard me! :) I also have a heavier work load and combine that with packing and the heat... there are many moments when I'm grateful I'm not pregnant.

Nate and I have decided to start trying for another baby as soon as we can. And by try, I just mean we will let nature take its course. If I get pregnant, that's great! If not, that's okay too. We have a lot on our plate, and have 3 beautiful girls to take care of.

There's a thing in Mormon culture that says that whatever baby you miscarry, you'll raise in the Millenium. I have mixed feelings on this. My baby was only like 5 or 6 weeks along when I miscarried (remember how I don't think I was as far as the drs thought... I'm pretty sure I was only 5 or 6 weeks along).  I don't know if that's a whole other child, or if the spirit in heaven just rejected that body and said "I'll wait a little longer to come to earth". The funny thing is, Nate told me for the past year he's had a feeling that there's 5 kids that need to be in our family. 5! Maybe this miscarriage was the 5th child. Then I told him that I've had the thoughts of 5 children as well... I just didn't want to tell him. Yikes! I can't handle 5 kids! But sometimes it makes sense. We are buying a house that has 5 bedrooms, and it's big enough for us to raise a family of 7 there. But I only can handle being pregnant 1 more time. I can't do this 2 more times, especially with my pre-term/ple-eclampsia history. So, I prayed to God that if there are to be 5 kids in this family, He better send twins. Cause I'm only doing this whole pregnancy thing one more time. So.... I guess we'll see. :) Who knows if this miscarriage was to be our 5th child or if it was just the wrong timing to add another child.

What I do know is, this has really opened my eyes to be a little more sensitive and compassionate towards others. You never know what people are struggling with. You never know if they might feel alone or scared or they may just feel like crying. I have felt all of those things the past 6 weeks. I have felt detached from my friends. I have felt like it's something I can't talk to Nate about because he doesn't understand. I have had to deal with trying to be happy for other friends while mourning my own loss. And all I can say is, I hope and pray that if there's someone feeling down, that I can follow the Spirit and uplift them in some way.

This miscarriage definitely wasn't in my plans. But I have seen miracles this past year and I have a firm knowledge that God has a plan for us. And that plan is better than anything we could ever imagine.

Blurbs About My Kids... But Mostly Pics

Dang. I keep meaning to take some darn nice pictures of my girls to replace the ones I took 2 years ago, but life happens. And by life, I mean Netflix happens. Ha! 

However, I'm not a complete Netflix crazy lady, and have somehow managed to snap a few pictures of these stunning little girls of mine. 

Ava is growing up like crazy. She loves fashion and posing for the camera (surprise, surprise... I am her mother, after all.) One Sunday she was looking particularly cute, so we went out into our teeny weeny backyard and she modeled for me. It's actually a win-win situation. She gets to model, and I get to practice my mad photog skills.

Isn't her hair just too cute? Ava has this beautiful, thick, blonde hair. She recently asked me for highlights, and I about fainted. I told her I don't even spend money on my hair anymore, why would I spend money on hers? She looked at me and said, "Duh, Mom. YOU went to hair school. You could just do it for free." Touche, my child. Touche.

Still a big, fat  NO though. :) Nice try.

However, now that we've been in the sun more and more, it's getting naturally highlighted, and she'll stand in front of the mirror and point every highlight out. Where did she come from?

The same Sunday, I tried getting a good picture of Coco, but she wasn't going to have it. This was the best I could do. At least I captured her little sandals on the wrong feet. Toddlers + shoes on the wrong feet never gets old. I crack a smile every time she puts her shoes on.

I did get a cute picture of Halle, though. I love the windblown hair and her little dress. This is how I'll forever remember her. My carefree, wild little girlie.

These pics were taken on Mother's Day. I am realizing more and more that I don't have enough pictures of ME with my kids. I'm always the one behind the camera, and let's be honest, they're much cuter to look at than I am, but still. I want some pictures of all of us!

Ava's dimple cracks me up...

And this sweet little picture. Ugh. I can't even. Halle is too sweet for words.

Now, on this blessed Mother's Day, Coco didn't have shoes. True story. I grabbed them as we were running to the car to head to church, and I thought I put them in my bag... and I didn't. I left them on the counter. So, she went to church shoeless. She also took of her little cardigan... which made her look like a little hippie child. 

She's also starting to pull some really funny faces when I ask her to smile. 

And yes, Halle wore hot pink high heels with a red dress. That's how we roll.

Motherhood has changed me. It is now my whole life. Literally, my whole life. It's so hard/rewarding/exhausting/challenging/loving and stretches me to the limits every. single. day. but these 3 girls are my world.

Rolo Cupcakes

I love baking. Yes, it's true. I don't do it as often as I would like because, well, with 3 kids, I have enough dishes to do already and sometimes they like to help a leeetle too much. Okay, a lot much. But sometimes, I set aside my freaky cleanliness obsession and decide to bake. 

Once upon a time, I baked cupcakes weekly. I would think of a recipe, make it, and send the leftovers with my husband so he could share the goodness that is my cupcakes with his co-workers. He was new to the company, and I reallllly wanted people to like him. And me. Even thought I've never met them. I still wanted them to think he had like thee coolest wife. ever. period. So I'd bake away and those were the good ol' days.

                   

*Don't you just love my little hand model? I'd take a bowl of Rolo's with a side of chubby toddler hands any day...*

Moving on... Those were also the days where I fell in love with filled cupcakes. I can never go back to making just normal, unfilled cupcakes. They are seemingly unsatisfying. #imacupcakesnob 

Those were also the days when I made these Rolo cupcakes for some event, and one of my friends tasted these and said they were amazeballs. She used a different word to describe them, but I won't repeat that here.. Ha ha! 

Well, a few weeks ago, said friend brought over a little side table and some clothes for my girls, and I wanted to thank her, so I made her favorite, amazeballs cupcakes. But this time, I not only filled the center of the chocolate cupcake with Rolo's, but I drizzled some caramel happiness into the middle. Double the caramel, double the fun. :)

The cake part of these cupcakes were more like a brownie. I also love really chewy cupcakes. I'm not a light and fluffy cupcake kind of girl... I'm a sink-your-teeth-and-close-your-eyes-because-it's-so-dang-chewy kind of girl.

So, that's how I made these. Combine that with the caramel to the second power center, chocolate frosting, with a Rolo on top, and more caramel sauce, and these were some suuuuuuuper rich and fulfilling cupcakes.

Chocolate Rolo Cupcakes

I'm not really good at making up cake recipes, so I found the delish cupcake recipe over at Sally's Baking Addiction. You can find it here. However, I did double the recipe and it made enough for 12 cupcakes and tons of mini ones...

Fill the cupcakes with a little bit of batter.
Add a Rolo and then drizzle some caramel sauce on top of it.
Fill the rest of the cupcake liner (well, fill it until it's 2/3 full) with some more batter.

Bake according to the directions.

Once the cupcakes are cooled, pipe with chocolate frosting.
I don't really follow any frosting, I just dump ingredients together. It drives my husband crazy!
I do start with 1/2 stick of butter, a couple cups of powdered sugar, about 2 TBSP of cocoa powder, and a few TBSP of heavy cream. I whip all those together. If I want it more chocolatey, I add some more cocoa powder. Not a ton, just a little bit. Like a teaspoon or so. Whip some more. If it's too runny, I add some more powdered sugar to stiffen it up. If it's too stiff, I add a teeny bit of cream. A little cream will go a looooong way.

Whip like mad.

And then whip some more. That's what makes a good frosting.

Pipe onto the cupcakes, top with a Rolo, and drizzle some more caramel sauce on top. I just use whatevs caramel sauce is in the ice cream section at the store.

Now eat like a freak and enjoy.

Easter - Hope

Easter... Why am I writing about this when it was sooooo long ago? I've been meaning to write for some time, but it feels like I spend a ridiculous amount of time on the computer these days. I do work from home and often work at night after the kiddos are asleep, so I'm 99% positive that has something to do with it. After working, I literally just want to shut my computer off, which happens most days.

But not today. I've had a really discouraging week... past couple of weeks. Let's be honest here.  I've been super emotional and feel as if I'm somehow muddling through my life right now. I haven't felt this way in a long, long, long time. Not since about November. So, it's really odd for me to feel like this. This feeling of despair and discouragement was one I felt all too frequently the past few years. I've hated every moment of being on the verge of tears and feeling lonely and sad. It usually lasts a few days and then I'm fine with things... it's just a continuous cycle. Well, it was a continuous cycle up until Nate's job turned around... miraculously. One day I'll go into the nitty gritty of it all, but not right now. I'll just simply say that seeing how he came to be at his new position gave me hope on things to come for our family. I realized God did have a plan for us and it was even sweeter than anything I could have imagined. But now, almost 6 months later, I am clinging to that hope. As I question that plan, I just have to think back to that day when some of our prayers were answered concerning Nate's job.

This will all tie in... I promise.

But jumping around to Easter this year. Easter was different, and I liked it. We actually colored Easter eggs this year. Holy crud did we color them. It started off quite emotionally for little Coco. She got a little enthusiastic and spilled some of the dye, but never fear. I had a tablecloth on the table and with the good help of some trusty paper towels, the spill was cleaned up in no time. 

And as you can clearly see, we recovered from the spillage and coloring the eggs resumed as planned. Hallelujah!  By the way, we use whisks to dye our eggs. Anyone else use whisks? If not, you should. I saw it on Pinterest a few years ago, and it saved me! It definitely made my life a leetle easier. :) 

Now are dem eggs beautiful? Or "boo-full" as Coco would say...

We did most of our fun Easter festivities on Saturday. It was the Priesthood session, so Christie and Jess came over for an egg hunt and for dinner. We also invited our neighbors to join. It was a lot of fun with so many kiddos running around. There's this cute little Asian girl who lives in our neighborhood, and this was her first Easter egg hunt ever! It was priceless to watch her hunt for eggs. 

On the actual day of Easter, we watched General Conference. It did feel somewhat strange to not be in church, but it was really cool to sit at home and listen to our church leaders. We did have little Easter baskets... nothing much was in them. I don't believe in going all out for Easter. In fact, I struggled getting the bike bell, Skip-It, and church books that were in the baskets. Easter is so sacred for me, and to add commercialization into it is really hard. But, kids are only little once, and in a few years, they will have grown out of wanting egg hunts and egg-filled candies, so I've compromised. They do get baskets, but mostly gospel centered items are in them. Boom. 

A few weeks ago, we had a lesson about the Resurrection and planted Easter grass. This is something my mom has always done, and I wanted to continue on the tradition with my girls. We made a little "tomb" and the grass was going to grow on top of it and the tomb was going to be empty on Easter morning... and it just didn't happen.

Why? Cause I can't grow grass. We planted and watered and sat it by the sun, and n.o.t.h.i.n.g. And because I am lazy, I didn't even throw it away until a few days ago. But a few days after Easter, I was looking at the little bin of soil and rocks and was actually thinking of finally throwing it away when I noticed that 2 little strands of grass had grown right in front of our tomb. 

Even though we couldn't see anything happening, these 2 little sprigs were growing, and out of nowhere, they appeared. They were so beautiful to me, I couldn't throw them away now! So, I sat them on the counter where I could see them often.

Every time I would look at them, I was reminded of the miracle of the Atonement and the love our Savior has for us. While we (and by "we" I mean "I"...) get discouraged because I can't see things happening or things aren't going how I planned them, or I'm angry with how long it is taking us to reach our goals and to progress, these 2 little blades of grass are the perfect reminder that God is working tiny miracles in our lives and those little miracles will "pop up" out of no where and will bless us. 

I just can't give up yet. I just can't think about what my friends are doing, what my relatives are doing,  or what society thinks I should be doing 9 years into marriage... I have to erase whatever ideas I have in my head about where I would like to be right now and focus on where God wants me to be. 

I need to start following HIS plan, and not my own. 

"Seek ye first the kingdom of God".

That is what I need to do. I need to stop focusing entirely on how clean my friggin' house is... or isn't. I need to stop moping about why we are still renting after 9 years of marriage. I need to stop wallowing in the fact that 99% of my friends are doing things and experiencing things that I just won't experience in this life. I need to stop comparing my life to theirs. I need to stop worrying about how long it's taking us to get money in savings, to get our credit cards paid off, on how long it'll take us to pay off our student loans. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself. That's what needs to happen.

I need to look outside myself and look around at all those who are less fortunate than me. I need to start serving more. I need to start spending more time in the scriptures and more time with my kids.

All while remembering those 2 blades of grass. All while remembering the Savior and His sacrifice. 

I need to do that more. And I'm sure that as I start to shift my focus, I will overcome this discouragement. This fogginess that I'm in right now. 

Why? Because it's what I've done before. 

I have noticed that when I keep my eye on the Savior and my eye on my eternal goals rather than spend less time worrying about my temporal goals, things will fall into place.

Calories Don't Count On Spring Break

You guys... it is 12:31 a.m. and I am just starting this post.

That's insanity, my friends.

But I've had some things on my mind where I needed to research some dates, and that led me to this blog, cause, ya know, I used to be good at posting and stuff... and then 3 kids happened.... callings happened... picking up a part time job happened.... Friends on Netflix happened... and before you know it, it's been months since I've written anything. 

Booooooo!

I really enjoy reading about what my family has done, the feelings I've had, and just looking at how my girls have grown. I'm a pretty darn avid user of Instagram, so I can't feel completely guilty, but I desperately want to capture these moments with my children.

They're growing up too fast, and it makes me excited/scared/worried/nervous/sad/and-every-other-emotion possible.

I have been trying really hard to savor these moments with my girls. I desperately want capture their laughs, their smells, and their little profiles... yes, profiles. I am obsessed with how each one is different! Ava's little chin... Halle's button nose, and Coco's pouty lips. I can't help myself!

Enjoying the chaos that is my life hasn't been an easy journey. But I feel God is helping me. I feel my heart growing and I am having more tender feelings towards my children and find myself wanting to spend more time with them, rather than looking at them as burdens or as annoying little creatures. Okay, that last part does happen from time to time, since we're being honest. :) But for the most part, I am in awe of them and the gift of love they have given me.

Well, part of savoring life is just to have pure fun once in a while. 

It's spring break, and we are having a staycation. Wait, we do that every spring break. Why? Cause we're too darn poor to go anywhere. 

Saturday I went grocery shopping and decided to buy all kinds of foods we don't normally eat.

Like chips and yogurt topped with M&M's. Cinnamon Toast Crunch, chocolate milk, and jelly beans are some others. As I was unloading the groceries, Nate saw the chips and asked, "What are these for? You never buy chips!" I can honestly count on my hands the number of times I've bought chips in the past 9 years... and most of those times have been for family BBQ's or something picnic-y like that.

But for spring break, only junk food will do. Calories don't count and I shall not feel guilty about consuming completely processed foods.

Yesterday, Jess came over with her kids, and we had chili dogs for lunch. And chips. Chili dogs and chips. We always have chili dogs with the Bills family. It's like our thing. :)

Anywho, the girls played playdough, I made Funfetti cookies, and then their friends came over and destroyed the house (I vacuumed and swept twice yesterday!) and all was right in the world.

Today, we went to Papa's Pizza. Now, this isn't anything special... I have been going every other Tuesday for the past 3 1/2 years, but Ava hasn't been since school started. So, we went. It was smelly and stinky and fun.

Tuesday nights are usually my night to catch up on grown-up things like bills and more bills. And maybe throw in an episode of Drop Dead Diva while Nate is at YM. But YOLO, so I took the girls to Cinderella. Movies are $5 on Tuesdays and we don't ever go to the theater. My only problem was what to do with Coco. I didn't want to have to deal with her at the movies. She kinda goes crazy when she's tired, and she didn't really get a nap today.... wasn't gonna go there. 

Christie offered to have her husband watch C, so I took C to their house, put her to bed, picked up Christie, and we went to the movies together. 

I divied out the candy before the show started, and I looked at Halle with her wad of cotton candy, and I couldn't get enough of her! She was just chomping away at that wad, and it made me giggle. That's when I knew I had to be better about capturing the deets in our lives!

Our plans for the rest of the week are:

Wednesday: help Christie pack up her kitchen. She just bought a house and is moving this weekend!!!

Thursday: I have an eye appt in the morning and then I'm probably headed to the beach. We'll see how the weather treats us.

Friday: I have a meeting in the morning for my calling (I am now the Visiting Teaching Coordinator) and am going to Blue Start Donuts in the afternoon.

Saturday: We are going to the Exotic Reptile Show (I'm super stoked... I don't know how the girls feel about it...) and the  RS General Broadcast is that night.

Then next week... back to reality. I have a vinyl deal going on Jane.com this weekend, so I'll be busy busting my bum to get orders our next week. Hence why I wanted to just play this week. :)

This life is a beautiful thing. It is hard and stressful but I have been beyond blessed. I have a beyond beautiful family, a man whom I love with all my heart and soul, my marriage is better than I ever could have imagined, and I am lucky enough to be able to stay home with my kids. There are times I wish I didn't have to work, but I am so lucky to have a little job where I can work at night and into the wee hours of the mornings when my kids are asleep.

This life is so wonderful and so precious. I hope to capture more moments of it and savor every minute.

2015... A Fresh Start

{2014 In Review}

2014 was a year of mixed emotions.... here it is in review...

January

We said good-bye to some of our best friends. We love them so much and were sad to see them go, but we plan on having lots of visits!!

February

Portland received a huge snowstorm. Everything was closed for a few days... Nate was in Utah visiting his dad while the storm was raging... and it happens to be the same weekend my great-grandma passed away. Yes, I lived 29 years with a great-grandma! During the snow storm I scrambled for flights and was able to make it to Utah for a few days. Nate was able to extend his trip and stay for the funeral.

March

Hmmmm... can't remember anything major happening this month... oh well.

April

We celebrated Easter. I made skirts for the girls... don't know if I'll attempt that again.

Wait, who am I kidding... I have 3 girls and dresses are expensive. Of course I'll make more skirts. I just need to remember to give myself a little more time and to not make them at the last minute.

May

Ava had a Kindergarten singing program. It was fun to see all those cute little kidlets singing and having fun. 

I also just loved watching my girls play with each other. They are best friends and they're just too damn cute for words.

I turned the big 3-0. I celebrated by having a colonoscopy. Yay! Go me! 

Actually, it all turned out to be good. Remember last year how they found a pre-cancerous polyp in my lovely colon? This year was my follow-up to see if everything was all good. And it was. I had a polyp, but it was benign, so I need one in another 3 years. That'll be my life... every 3-5 years me and the butt doctor will have a date. :)

My mom came to visit for my birthday, and it was awesome. Also, a sweet lady from my ward just dropped off this bouquet of flowers for my birthday. I almost cried. It was so thoughtful and brightened up my day.

I also tried implementing a chore chart. It lasted about 3 weeks... 

I'm attempting another one in 2015.

June

Ava finished Kindergarten and Halle finished preschool. Yay!

I also started watching my friend's cute little girl. It was a joy to have her a couple of times a week through the summer. It was good for Coco to have someone to share with... hee hee hee.

I can't believe how young Colbie looks! Whoa!

And I can't believe how big Ava is getting. One day we were just chatting while she was laying on my bed and I snapped this pic. We are definitely entering a new phase with her, and it's exciting but terrifying. I just hope I don't screw her up... 

July

We celebrated the 4th... 

and Heather came to visit. We had tons of fun going to the zoo, Rhododendron Garden, eating at Lardo's, and just having lots of fun.

We also made it to the beach. But you already knew that.

August

We celebrated a friend's birthday... wait, maybe it was in July. Ah! I can't remember! All I know is I really love this pic of Nate. He cracks me up. Like, all the time. Like, I think he is one of the funniest people I know. Like, everyday I still can't believe I'm married to him. :) He's dreamy.

Whoa.. getting carried away here...

Halle celebrated her 5th birthday! We went to Papa's Pizza and she had some of her friends come and play. I made little cake pops in the shape of ice cream cones. They were a big hit.

She also told me her favorite food was snow and that she wants to be a "regular mom who cuts vinyl" when she grows up. 

#loveher

She also learned out to ride a two-wheeler without training wheels. 

Oh happy day!

We went camping near the coast for our ward campout. Wild blackberries grew everywhere and the kids had a blast just picking them and eating them. They all had purple mouths and hands!

 

September

Ava started 1st grade (doesn't she look just soooo stinking cute?) and Halle started Kindegarten. It has been great having 2 kids in school. Ava absolutely thrives in a learning enviroment and is at the top of her class. Halle is enjoying having her own friends and loves her teacher... who happens to be the same teacher Ava had. :) I love hearing her stories.

We also went sailing on the Columbia River. Our bishop has a sailboat and invited us to go one day. 

It was exactly what we needed, and I'm grateful the bishop was in tune to invite us. Just that week, Nate had talked to his boss at work and was told he needed to find a new job. There are other details, but I won't get into it here. I cried for days and just felt hopeless. I felt like God didn't care about us, and I just didn't see a way out of our situation. Our little sailing adventure was a great stress reliever and just very much needed.

Oh, and did I mention I ran a half-marathon?  I did it in under 2 1/2 hours (my exact time was 2 hours 28 minutes to be exact) which was under my goal. I trained hard all summer and it was an experience I'll never forget.

October

Ava celebrated her 7th birthday. Yikes!! We also ventured out to Hoyt Arboretum. It was extremely windy, but beautiful. Ava spent an hour explaining different types of pinecones... 

We also celebrated Nate's 31st birthday. Man, he's getting old. And getting gray hairs. But he's still as sexy as always. 

We also bought a new van. It's so amazing. It's nice to drive a car that actually works.

November

The beginning of November I took a weekend and went to Arizona. There is a photographer there who was offering a class, and it was cheap, so I signed up. That, and one of my dearest friends lives there (see what happened in January...) and I was ecstatic to visit her. 

I left Nate with the girls and flew down with another good friend and spent 5 glorious days recharging. I ate delicious food and chatted my brains out. It was sooo good for my soul.

Colbie also celebrated her 2nd birthday. We kept things small... but it was fun to celebrate her and the joy she brings into our lives.  

We spent Thanksgiving at my uncle's house. It was a lot of fun.

While we were there, I started having some issues with my foot.... boo.

December

My friend and I hosted a craft night and extended it to everyone. It was small, and we are hoping to get more people out next time, but we had a few new people to come, and it was a lot of fun. I also started working as a virtual assistant for one of my friends. The same friend I went to Arizona with . She has a food blog and needed some help, so I took on the job. I love the work I do and am glad it's working out for both of us.

I had 2 x-rays on my foot, several dr. appts, had blood work drawn (everything is totally normal...) and now  it's been over a month, and I'm still dealing with my foot issues. I have an MRI scheduled for Jan. 6th and am hoping to get some answers. Until then, I'm in a lovely boot.

We drove down to Utah for Christmas. It has been great. Nate just called and said he made it home... it took him 11.5 hours! I am still in Utah because some things came up that I need to be here for... I'll explain more about that later.

Throughout the Year

I continued to bake any chance I get. These blueberry lemon cupcakes were my favorite.

 Nate continues to serve as YM President. I am still serving as RS Secretary. We have both grown in our callings and have learned many new things.

In a way, I would love to erase much of 2014 from my mind. Not going to lie. Yes, there were amazing moments for me and my little family, but I think it has to be the hardest year Nate and I have faced. Nothing major happened to make it so rough... it was just rough. I think I cried more than I ever have, was angrier than I've ever been, and there were many days I just couldn't make myself get out of bed. 2014 was hard on us physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially. By the end, I was ready to just give up. Many times, Nate and I looked at each other and just said "What in the hell are we doing?" 

Then the  biggest change of our lives came just a few weeks ago. As I mentioned before, Nate was told to go find a job. We had already been looking, but the search became really serious. 3 months pass, and he had interviews, but nothing panned out. I knew the search was going to be long. Back in August, I received this overwhelming thought that we are exactly where we need to be. While it was frustrating to be on this job search, I'm grateful for the words that were whispered to me. It comforted me and gave me a little tiny ray of hope.

Then one day in December, Nate's boss came to him and basically told Nate that he was retiring ASAP and that Nate was to replace him. A week later, Nate started training for his new position. While Nate isn't the CFO, he was made Controller of the company. In a few months, the partners will evaluate where things are and see if  Nate is to become CFO in the future. 

This is an opportunity of a lifetime and will give Nate the experience he needs to get his career in line. This is what we have worked so hard for. Along with the new position, Nate did get a raise, and that will provide for another baby. No, this is not an announcement... but we've had the feeling to have another baby for a year now. But, we were so strapped financially, there was no way we could even pay for another baby. I told God that I would get my IUD taken out the day Nate got a new job... well, finally around Thanksgiving, the prompting came so strong, I made the appointment to go see my dr and get things moving so we could try for another baby. As I made the appt, I was shaking because I was so nervous as to how things were going to work out. Then, a few weeks later, Nate gets this new position, and we now can afford to have another baby... I cannot tell you what a miracle this job is. I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father moved mountains for us. 

We have been faithful in paying our tithing, even when there were times my faith was gone. In fact, one time, I had Ava give the bishop our tithing envelope, because I just couldn't do it. It was so hard and took everything we had. At tithing settlement, the bishop told us how grateful he was for us and our service and how the Lord would bless us, and I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't feel like we were being blessed. I felt beaten down and weary. I finally broke down in tears in the bishop's office. I felt so bad for him because he wasn't expecting it and he didn't really know what to say. I can't say that anything spectacular happened immediately after our tithing settlement, but Nate and I get the feeling that the bishop went to the Lord and prayed on our behalf and pleaded our cause. I still get teary eyed when I think of how everything has come together for us to start this new chapter in our lives.

While Nate and I have a long ways to go to reach our goals (which we set while eating shakes at Arctic Circle) we are confident that the Lord is on our side. Nate's new position was an answer to our prayers. Prayers that have been repeated over and over for the past 4 years. Our prayers were answered in the most unexpected way, and we are still in shock, but there is no doubt in my mind that God has a plan for my little family.

So, here's to 2015 and new beginnings.